“A part of me wants to run away and leave you.” I say into the phone.
He replies, “I love the part of you that gets scared. I love your fear of commitment. I love your doubts. All of it is welcome.”
I don’t have to deny or hide my inner “commitment wobbles”.
It’s okay to love deeply and still sometimes have doubts.
As a culture, we often think of commitment as a one-and-done decision.
You get into a relationship, you get married - case closed.
But the truth is, the case is never closed.
Commitment is a daily, moment-to-moment decision.
A constant “turning towards” your partner — despite all the fears, reservations, and resistance you may have.
And make no mistake - resistance exists.
Newton’s Third Law in Physics says, “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.”
We have that “equal and opposite reaction” living inside of us.
As we lean TOWARDS another person and into committed relationship…
… there is an equally valid (often unconscious) part of us that leans AWAY from the relationship. This part comes out in fights, self-sabatoge, cheating, and all the other destructive, repetitive patterns of relating.
Welcome it all.
Embrace the parts of you that resist love, fear commitment, and try to sabotage the very thing you’ve worked so hard to build.
Make space for that in yourself and in your partner.
Bring gentle curiosity to the ways you self-destruct and avoid intimacy.
And watch how welcoming that part of you diffuses its power.
If you need help with this process, you know where to find me.