Season 4, Ep. 13 - Your Attention is Being Harvested. Here’s How to Take It Back.
What if your inability to focus isn't a personal failing, it's actually a designed system working exactly as intended?
And what if the most powerful thing you can do - for your intimacy, for the earth - is to train your attention like the superpower it is?
If you've been searching for "how to improve focus and attention" or "how to be more present in relationships," this one's for you.
You'll learn:
Why your attention (not your money, time, or intelligence) is your single most valuable resource, and why an entire industry is built to steal it
How the fragmentation of collective attention is not just a personal productivity problem, but a civilizational crisis, and what that means for earth regeneration
Practical attention practices (meditation, nature observation, gratitude, and the "magic moment" ritual) that you can start this week to reclaim the quality of your focus
The attention economy is real, and it's costing us more than we know.
In this solo episode, Megan D Lambert explores why so many of us feel scattered, disconnected, and unable to be truly present, and why it's not your fault.
From the neuroscience of hijacked focus to the intimate stakes of distracted love, Megan unpacks how the quality of your attention shapes everything: your relationships, your sense of aliveness, your capacity to contribute to a world in crisis.
If you're feeling overwhelmed by the noise, burned out by the scroll, or quietly wondering why real depth feels harder to access, this episode offers both the reframe and the roadmap.
You'll leave with tangible daily practices to train your attention, and an understanding of why doing so might be one of the most radical and regenerative acts of our time.
Listen Now:
Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/episode/1EF6pJojzAd3e2GcRLWowa
Apple Podcasts -https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/your-attention-is-being-harvested-heres-how-to-take-it-back/id1498731180?i=1000763179873
Connect with Megan:
🌐 https://www.megandlambert.com
💌 https://www.megandlambert.as.me/discovery-call
Resources + Episodes Mentioned:
Take Back Your Mind podcast by Michael Bernard Beckwith
Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (book)
The Rise of Superman by Steven Kotler (book on flow states)
Eros & Earth episode: The Future I’m Dreaming For Our Children
GADs morning ritual (Gratitude, Appreciation, Desire) - Megan's daily practice with her partner James
Magic Moment Practice - nightly ritual of sharing one specific, embodied moment of aliveness from the day
If you’re curious about my offerings, visit me at www.megandlambert.com.
If this episode moves you, please let me know by reaching out by email, Instagram DM (@megandlambert), or leaving a review!
Episode Transcript:
That is one of the best attention honing practices I've ever come across. It's really powerful. I think I have resistance to it precisely because of how powerful it is. Hi, and welcome to this episode of Eros and Earth. I hope that the quality comes through. I'm staying in hotel deep in the jungle, and you may hear some background noise of roads or birds or traffic, but this topic was important enough that I thought I would just hit record.
And the topic is, your attention, the quality of your attention. I said this on a podcast interview yesterday, which is where attention goes, energy flows where energy flows that grows. I'll say it again. Where attention goes, energy flows. Where energy flows, that grows. This is so important. And I'm curious for you as you're listening, where have you been putting your attention over the last hour? What things are your mind?
Is your mind looping on? What are you really noticing about your environment, the people around you? Take a minute to think about that. Because we have this resource that is more valuable than our money, than our time, than our intelligence. It is more about, I would say it's probably the most valuable resource you have. And that's the quality of your attention. That is where the light of your consciousness is shining.
Right now, I'm going to get really specific and tangible on how does the quality of your attention impacts intimacy, how it impacts the earth, what's happening collectively around the attention and the mortal enemy, the attention economy. We're going to talk about how earth regeneration requires your attention. And I'll leave you with a few of my favorite attention practices so that you can make this really grounded and actionable in your life. Cool. All right, let's dive in.
So attention is foundational for intimacy. If you want deep intimacy with someone, you have to be able to hone your attention on them, on you, and on this present moment. I'm sure you may have had the experience of talking to somebody who was distracted. Maybe they were twiddling their hair or tapping their foot or looking at their phone or looking around the room, and you probably didn't feel that connected to them.
Their attention was scattered, it was diffuse, it wasn't on you in this moment. Conversely, you may have had the experience when you're looking someone in the eye and you both are right there with each other and the whole world fades away and the whole world gets blurry and it's just like, I mean, the saying is it feels like you're the only two people in the whole room. Have you had that experience? That was what it was like when I met my husband, actually. I remember that.
the whole room melted away except for just what was between us in that moment. And that's an amazing feeling because that's the, that level of attention is the root of the foundation of intimacy. I really want to point out that attention isn't nice to have. It's the very mechanism of connection. The mechanism of connection is can you be here with me noticing the moment, noticing what's happening in your body?
What's happening in my body, my tone, my expressions, my what? Can you notice when I start to get uncomfortable and shut down? Can you notice when the moment feels really alive? Can you notice when it gets boring and stale? This, the whole dance of intimacy requires your attention. Your full, undivided, undiffuse, uncompermentalized attention. Which is no easy ask because...
We live in the attention economy. Your focus, your attention is a product that is being sold to companies. Social media, AI, the news, your phone. There's an entire ecosystem that is designed to hijack, capture, and keep your attention. I don't mean this to be dramatic, but it's literally true. These companies are spending billions of dollars of R &D.
on learning how do we keep people on this app, on this phone, on this service longer because the longer your attention is there, the more valuable their service becomes. Remember what we said in the beginning, where attention goes, energy flows, where energy flows, that grows. It's the same on these apps, on these services. So every time you're scrolling on Instagram and giving Instagram your attention, you're growing the platform. You're growing the company's valuation.
And I think it's really important to say this because it makes it not personal. It's not your fault if you're having a hard time paying attention. It's not your fault. This is literally how systems are designed. They're designed to capture your attention. I was talking to a 20-year-old friend of mine and she said her attention is so fragmented she can't read a book. She hasn't read a book in years.
And she can't sit down and watch a whole movie without looking at her phone, without scrolling, without doing something else because her attention doesn't, she can't sit and settle long enough to do that. And this is a girl that's been raised on TikTok and Instagram and instant gratification that previous generations never had to cope with this level of attention hijacking. This is new. This is really new. If you're 20, 30, no matter what age you are, previous generations never grew up with this level of attention fragmentation.
So this is a new thing that we're having to contend with and to cope with. It's really important to talk about and to know, you know, I'm currently raising a two-year-old and a four-year-old. And one of the most important things that I want my kids to learn is how to cultivate their attention so that they can sit and be engaged in the world so that they know when their attention's being sucked into something that's not nourishing and how to redirect it.
so that they know where, so that they're conscious of where their attention is going. I think this is one of the most important skills, especially in the age of AI. AI has this vast intelligence, but it is still the prompts you're putting in that's directing where the intelligence goes. It's still where your attention is, what you're curious about, what's on your mind for now. The stakes are as simple as your most precious resource is being harvested at scale.
That's that simple. And this isn't about willpower. It's not a character flaw. This is a design system versus an untrained mind. And this is not just a personal productivity problem. This is not just a, need to put your phone away so you can be present at the dinner table problem. This is a civilization problem. Because as a civilization, if we can't pay attention to what's happening to the world, to what's happening inside of us,
to what the possible solutions are. We can't solve the problems that we're facing as a civilization. So just as it's hard for you, it might be hard for you to sit and really pay attention to something. We have to be able to cultivate that because otherwise we're fragmented. We're fragmented in a meta crisis. When our attention is fragmented inside of a meta crisis, we are ill-equipped to solve the problems that we face. We need people who are coherent.
connected who have a trained mind and the capacity of their attention in order to find the solutions to the crisis we face. You can't be part of the solution if you're not paying attention. And this goes either way, right? So you might be really paying attention to the problems and you're doom scrolling and you're reading the news and you're really sucked into and it's really impacting your heart, but you can't sit still long enough to think of a creative solution that you can bring in your own life. That's one side.
The other side is your attention's everywhere. It's on Netflix, your work, the latest documentary, your situationship that you can't figure out, and you don't have enough attention left over to look at the broader world around you. Either one of these spots on the spectrum won't serve the earth. And where we need to go is a species, right? You need to be somewhere right in the middle where you can have enough spare attention to look at the world and where we're at. And...
enough spare attention to reflect and dream and ideate. Where my last episodes was on collective visioning and dreaming and the importance of that. But below that to do that, you have to have some capacity over your own attention. If you don't have any capacity over where your attention is going, then you won't have capacity to vision or dream. You just won't because it's being sucked and hijacked.
What do do with this? We live inside of attention economy. We live inside of a system that is profiting off your attention. Yet the very things that we need, earth regeneration, intimacy, love, embodiment, require attention. So what do we do? I really like Michael Bernard Beckwith's teachings and he has a podcast called Take Back Your Mind. And I'm like, yes, if I could put a chapter title on this segment of the episode, it's
Take back your mind and here's how. You ready? The first thing to do is to notice what easily and currently sucks your attention in a way that is generative and nourishing. So, and ideally something that doesn't involve a screen. So not video games, not watching videos, none of that, but like something in real life that you can touch, taste and feel that it sucks your attention in. Do you have something like that? For me, it's dance.
I love dance. It's also being with my kids can be at, will have moments when I feel really in the moment with them. Intimacy has always been a space for me like that. Sexuality, art can be and writing can be and coaching. So these are the spaces where my attention naturally is honed and centralized. I'm gonna say centralized. There's moments when your attention's right here, right in the moment.
When you're in a state of flow, your attention is centralized. The opposite would be those moments when you're kind of watching something, kind of texting someone, you're kind of checking on something, your attention is scattered and fragmented. All right. So there's the two different states. So the first thing I would ask yourself is, where is my attention already in flow? What already makes it easy for me to be in flow? And can you do more of those? Which is a great and easy question because
Those are probably things you love anyways. It feels so good when our attention is centralized in the moment and all of us is right here. It is one of the most joyful states there is. If you ever read Chexmahai's book on flow states or the rise of Superman, another book, there's a lot of books about flow states, but they are one of the most key sources of joy and meaning. And I think part of it is because all of your attention is right here. Okay.
Outside of those things, so keep doing those practices, know what yours are and keep doing them. Outside of that, you can hone your attention. Meditation is probably the best way to hone your attention. And I have had such a love-hate relationship with meditation over the last 20 years. I first learned to meditate when I was 17 and I love it when I'm in it. And when I'm not meditating, I'm like, I don't want to meditate. I'm too busy. I don't have time. But it is amazing. And it's amazing because what it does is it helps you take the fragmented attention that has been spread everywhere and bring it back into this moment, this breath. And it can be as simple as noticing your breath, just feeling the inhale and feeling the exhale. That's it. You can go down many different rabbit holes if you want. Vedic and different styles of meditation and Zen meditation, different ways to meditate.
Highly recommend those, but if you're new to meditation, it can literally be as simple as sitting, closing your eyes or softening your gaze and tracking your breath. That is one of the best attention honing practices I've ever come across. It's really powerful. I think I have resistance to it precisely because of how powerful it is. The other practice that I have been doing to hone my attention is nature observation. Just looking around and seeing like, okay, what plants are around me?
What are the textures of leaves that I can see? What bird songs can I hear? How does the light filter through the leaves? If you're not in nature, you can do this with any surroundings, of course it's best in nature. So if you can get out to a park or a hiking trail or anywhere where there's nature around you, taking a minute to observe the world around you. It sounds simple. It is simple, but it's also really powerful.
retraining your intelligence to look at the real world around you rather than the things in your mind or the things in your screens. Okay. So this is really important because where you're paying attention to determines the quality of your life. Think about a relationship. I was quitching a couple where the woman, all she could see about her partner was everything that she didn't like about him.
He leaves his socks on the ground. He gets on the bed after a sweaty gym session. He's kind of gross. He doesn't like to talk about deep books. her mind, her attention is honed on the things she doesn't like. One of the biggest shifts that she's made is to switch the gaze of her consciousness to what she does like, where he is brilliant. You he's really funny. He cracks her up. They can talk for hours.
And by simply shifting her attention, she can have a whole new relationship, her relationship completely transformed. And this is not a one and a done thing. This is like a daily practice. I can tell you after being my partner for seven and a half years, there are times when I slip into noticing everything I don't like about him. And then I have to re-remind myself, okay, where is he brilliant? Where is he amazing? Where can I redirect my attention towards what I do love because...
where attention goes, energy flows, where energy flows, that grows. I'm sure you've had that feeling of being around someone that thinks everyone around them is dumb and all they see is like dumb, like incompetence. And then suddenly you feel like fumbly and uncomfortable and you don't really know what to do in their presence. that's because our attention is literally co-creating each other. So when you're around someone that's noticing incompetence is the first thing they notice.
they make people around them more incompetent. Or if you're someone that looks around and says, okay, what can I love about this person? You make people easier to love. It's amazing. Your attention is an absolute superpower. And this is especially true in your intimate partnership. So the way, if you see your partner as like this brilliant leader, they will become that. If you see your partner as this like radiant queen, she will become that. And...
This is not, it's really, this is a really important distinction though. It's not tripping into fantasy, right? It's not just, you know, you're sitting in front of your partner and being like, yeah, I see the king that you could be someday. No, not that. Because that's, that's ignoring the present and seeing what you want. What you want to do is notice what's already beautiful right here. What's already something that you would like to bring attention to right here.
So this is the same practice you do with your partner. It can also be the same practice you do with your surroundings. You know, it's crazy. I have this beautiful jungle view out over Bali from my house. And there is a 5G cell tower like in the middle of it. There are days when my attention is just like, 5G cell tower, that's so ugly. I wish it wasn't here. And then there are days when I like barely see the tower. And I'm like, wow, it's such a beautiful view. The view is the same.
What's changed is where my attention is being placed and where my attention is being placed changes how I feel. And also how I feel is impacting where I put my attention. You if I'm grumpy, I see the problems, then I see the problems that make me more grumpy. It's a bit of a vicious cycle, but it can also be a virtuous one. So I want to address one thing that comes up sometimes. It's like, isn't it toxic positivity to only train your attention to look at the beauty? And it can be.
It can be if you're not careful with it, but it can also, by deliberately being conscious about where your attention is going, you can help stabilize your attention so that when things are uncomfortable or inconvenient, your automatic response is not to look away, to get distracted, to check out. Your automatic response can be to hold steady and to look at the thing in front of you. It's almost like you resource yourself with beauty so that your attention is stable enough to meet the discomforts of life.
I that was helpful. I'm going to share just a couple more practices that I do around attention and then I will wrap this up. So much has been talked about this, but my daily gratitude practice is such an important piece. I think about gratitude all day long. James and I have a morning ritual that we call GADs, but the first step is gratitude, gratitude, appreciation and desire, GADs. And so we're sharing gratitude back and forth. I'm journaling about gratitude.
Whenever I'm starting to feel like stressed or tight, I'm thinking that, okay, what can I be grateful for here? There is so much research that gratitude is one of the best ways to retrain your mind and to change your relationship with life. So, gratitude practice. The other one I do is at night just before James and I fall asleep is we share a magic moment from the day. And this is a really specific, tangible moment such as when we were having dinner in the garden, laying on the picnic blanket and the kids were running back and forth collecting fruits from the trees and they were laughing and I felt this like joy in my heart. That's a magic moment or it could be when we paused cooking dinner and we had a quick slow dance and we looked into each other's eyes. That's a magic moment. So every night before we go to sleep, this is the last thing we share with each other. And what this does is it helps my attention go back through my days and think about where was the most aliveness, presence, beauty, and love? And these are the things I want to remember and hold with me. And it feels so joyful. Like even in a really hard day, there will always be one moment that felt good, that was magical. And this practice is training my attention to hold those, remember those, and carry them in my heart with me.
So it's directing the light of my consciousness towards these moments that felt most alive, most beauty, most beautiful. So the invitation to you is to try one of these practices this week. Try meditating if you haven't, try a magic moment practice, a gratitude practice. Try putting your phone away and sitting with the discomfort of that. What can you do this week to hone your attention, knowing that it's the foundation of
Probably everything else you want in life is your ability to direct and hold your attention. What can you do this week? Where attention goes, energy flows. Where energy flows, that grows. Have a great week and thank you for being here.
I hope this episode touched you. If you loved it, share it with a friend or family member. Or you can leave a review to help get the word out. Thank you. Until next time, root, down, open up. Eros & Earth.